Lil bit of emotional entry..hurmm..today is our 5 months of wedding anniversary..
I still remember last 5months at this time (i wrote this entry at 0925hrs)..i was waiting for en suami and his families to arrive my house for solemnization..each bride may experience your own moments...
Yes, i am yet pregnant..
Before married, few friends asked "kalau dah kawen nanti nak plan ke camne?" i said "hurm..tak plan kot tapi kalau boleh nak honeymoon dulu..maybe 6 months kawen baru start fikir"
Financially, Alhamdulillah both of us are working at the same building and career wise, i am no longer a workaholic person cam dulu..
Sometimes, i am also in doubt - can i be a good mother? rasa cam budak2 lagi..i am not a baby-lover..suke2 tengok gitu jela kan..mase die comel2 tak grumpy..macam2 fikir..can i have my own quality time after giving birth? can i manage my time for housework..husband..myself equally? mesti sakit beranak kan?
But later..after 3 months..when more friends and officemates keep on asking me..maybe no intention..just a caring or creating conversation mode..more or less afffects me..rasa sedih sangat..do i have problem? or did i do something wrong? ke tak cukup berusaha (huhu soalan cam kelakar)?
One by one, heard good news from friends..morning sickness la..medical checkup la..cravingla..huu even good friends yang kawen after i pun ada yang dh pregnant~huu congrats to all of you! tu tak campur kawan2 yang selamat deliver..ok i jealous!
Thank you mama (MIL) and mak for not asking...maybe they understand how stress am i..or maybe they think its still too early what..baru 6bulan kot? I dont know what's inside en suami's mind..he always pretend to be cool cam takde pape berlaku..but there were times where he checked my tummy and said "ade baby dalam ni" padahal i memang buncit pun..everytime i feel exhausted ke terextra tidur ke..he loves to say "mesti penat ade baby kan?" huuu~~i feel soo guilty..
What am i suppose to do?
- Think positive..i know Allah is testing me..He has his own plans.i really believe that..look around me..lots of ladies are not even have life partner..bertahun2 kawen takde anak..look at me..i am healthy and having a happy family..its just my time yet to come..
- Keep and continue praying..all of us make mistakes and we are not perfect..owhh one thing to share..if you ternazar..settle cepat2..maybe we owe Allah something..alhamdulillah i dah berjaya ganti puasa semua..
- Berusahalah...dont stress, folic acids..eat healthy foods and be prepared. owh i bought fertility plan to check my ovulation time..as of now..i dont prefer any medication..let it comes naturally..after 1 year...then have to plan something..
Can you do me a favour? families and friends, please support and pray for us.. only Allah can repay your kindness..
And please also pray for laylarahman too..
teringin nak ambil gambar camni~