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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Dowry/ Duit Hantaran : Who decide?

November and December are synonyms to wedding..school holidays are significant reason for couple to end their single lives - easy for families to travel and bring their kids sepupu sepapat semua.. regardless monsoon season..wedding has to carry on..

For 2012 brides, have you decide how much dowry/wang hantaran from groom to you? For some families, dowry is kinda sensitive issue. Some families may set their own value, belah lelaki has to follow belah perempuan..and sometimes bride has to follow groom side because groom is the one who's giving the dowry.

Back to our topic today, who suppose to decide? groom or bride? or their families?

To share my own experience, en suami asked how much i want..hahaha dekat mata dah keluar "$$$" but obviously i won't demand..i asked him first..how about X..ok tak? (sorry as i won't reveal our dowry in public) he said ok..so we set our hantaran as X...full stop!

Then i told my mother and asked her opinion..mak kata ikut suka la..then en suami told his family..MIL actually wanted to give more...(alaaa rugi tak letak tinggi lagi :) ) but then since we already decided..she offered to add solemnization ring on top of hantaran..initially en suami and i only planned for a bracelet to save cost tapi MIL offered to tambah..both families agreed..simple and senang..

From my story, bride and groom decide and families follow. No miscommunication. Alhamdulillah..

Islam point of view - dowry is set by groom side as the husband will take responsible for this wife, tanggung dosa semua. In that case, bride and her families cannot demand. Regardless market sekarang berapa pun..unless bride is 'perfect'. I share below video for sharing from Ustaz Azhar.


Lawak tapi cynical :)

I believe, the most important thing is communication.

Yes, groom has the right to set dowry but it is advisable if groom can be more considerate. Kalau famili pengantin perempuan bukan dari golongan yang senang, its best if groom can be more generous, kan nak jadi satu famili. Tolong menolong. I believe, dowry is used for kenduri/caterer. Not to forget, bride side has to prepare for engagement, solemnization and reception. More events to handle than one sambut menantu for groom side.

For bride, if you receive more hantaran than what you expect, save for future. Money can be used for both of you.

If conflict arise macam disagreement on hantaran, i would suggest bride and groom to discuss internally before involving families. Why do you need such amount? Thinking of pros and cons. Never create bad impression to both sides. Please be firm when making decision and use your soft skills when convincing your own families. You know them better, don't you? all the best :)

4 comments:

  1. Baguslah intan..topik hangat gak ni in my famly hehe. Tp alhamdulillah..kami dh bncg awal2 n sepakat.thn dia bgtau famly hehe.. Alhamdulillah sederhana saja..memikirkan byk lagi nak guna after married.. Tp tulah,bkn semua org dpt faham..byk kali pesan kt fmly,jgn nak ikut org..bkn org yg tanggung semua tu..org sedap tgk n mengata je hahahaha.. B4 bgtau fmly tu mmg solat hajat byk2 bg semua tenang hati terima.. :)

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  2. suka entri ni~
    kadang2 wang hantaran ni boleh sebab family conflict.
    alhamdulillah, my parent cakap korang dua la decide sendiri, duit korang. korang yang pakai. ayah dgn mak tak masuk campur. bersyukur sgt.

    ReplyDelete
  3. lisa likesss this topic :)
    in my case i dgn KR je decide.ikut kemampuan dia.i pn takla gorgeous dan perfect mana kan haha.bljr pn tak tinggi.lol. alhamdulillah la laki nk bg.kalau tak,tak kawin akak lisa ni :P

    untung kan siapa yg dpt semua duit hntrn kat dia trus.majlis famly tanggung.fuuh.bole buat beli brg rumah ke apa.huhuhu.rezki masing2 :)

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  4. soalhati:tula..kadang2 pasal kahwin family boleh gaduh...so kite as anak2 try avoid dari awal2 lagi...good luck for your engagement preps dear :)

    dhiera: alhamdulillah...good for your dear..so u boleh focus pk pasal benda lain cm caterer pelamin semua...:)

    lisa:samela ngn i lisa...ikut kemampuan...letak byk2 pun xgune kalo lepas tu masam muke kan..kene ukur baju di bdn sendiri..sangat untung pengantin yg x gune duit hantaran utk wedding...terus kayaaa..hahhaa :)

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